Love conquers all and casts out fear. (1John 4:18)

Self love – regard for one’s own well-being and happiness

Learning to love oneself is a journey.  Life challenges can lead us down a road of emotional destruction.  We allow circumstances to destroy our love for ourselves and ultimately the ability to love others.  

As I have been on a self-journey, emotionally, physically and spiritually, I have come to realize the intricate balance that must be obtained to be whole.  While my health improved and my dependency of God increased I still struggled to truly love others. I finally discovered the root cause – I didn’t truly love myself.  

On a quest to unlock my heart – to soften the walls that had been built –  I dug deeper into God’s word. What I found out is that I didn’t understand God’s love for each and everyone of us. “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”  1John 4:8

To know LOVE is to know GOD.

My transformation led to some gut wrenching realities:

Loving yourself is a state of mind; a series of actions and habits embedded into everyday life.

• The less you love yourself, listen to yourself and understand yourself, the more confused, angry and frustrated your reality will be.
• Self love isn’t easy – you are your own biggest critic
• It is important to show your body and mind self-love
• Proper sleep is a necessity
• Healthy eating is vital
• Time and space is needed to understand your spirituality
• Make time to exercise regularly
• Remember to thank yourself and those around you
• Schedule time to play 
• Avoid toxic influences
• Reflect and meditate daily

Journal Experience: 7 Step Journey to Self Love

Step 1

How are you treating yourself?

Journal how you treat yourself in several different relationships/circumstances – friendships, colleagues, family, significant other,etc.  Be intentional and journal how you care for your body and mind in all of these circumstances.

Do you treat yourself with the same love and respect you give your closest friends or significant other?

How do you take care of your body, your mind and your needs?

“Look with wonder at the depth of the Father’s marvelous love that he has lavished upon us.  He has called us and made us his very own beloved children.” 1John 3:1

Step 2

What is your story?

It is time to get intimate with yourself. Create a life map of your life journey from childhood to today. Get real!  Unravel every negative emotion, every regrettable act, every word or action you now regret. Dig deep, trace your past and find the root cause of each event.

Are you looking at the world through colored glasses? Have false understandings of reality or trauma or feelings of victimhood clouded your understanding?

It’s time to accept your flaws and your faults.

Accept the pain – forgive yourself for past deeds.

“For God will never give you the spirit of fear, but the Holy Spirit who gives you mighty power, love, and self-control.”  2Timothy 1:7

Step 3

Change your thought pattern.

We are inherently negative.  Over 70% of our thoughts are negative.  We try to protect ourselves through our fears and worries.  However, this works against us.  

Why are you experiencing self-doubt and self-criticism? Explore your past and journal everything you doubt and criticise about yourself.  You may have to go back to early childhood experiences the find the root causes. 

Become mindfully aware of your words and behaviors, especially your habits.

You have the POWER to change your thought pattern.  The deeper you think, the more change you can make. 

Now that you are aware that your thoughts are changeable, focus on one thought at a time and change it.

“Bring into captivity every thought.” 2 Cor. 10:5

Step 4

Do you have a purpose?  

It’s time to expose those childhood dreams you have kept tucked away for far too long.  The following set of questions will help you understand what you want and where you were meant to be.  The goal is to strive to be happy and find meaning in life. Ultimately you want to unlock your purpose.

 What were you passionate about as a child?  If you didn’t have a job, how would you fill your hours? What makes you forget about the world around you?  What issues do you hold close to your heart? Who do you spend time with and what do you talk about? What is on your bucket list?  If you had a dream could you make it happen? If not, what is stopping you?

“She searches out continually to possess that which is pure and righteous.”  Proverbs 31:13

“May God give you every desire of your heart and carry out your every plan”.  Psalm 20:4

Step 5

What are you appreciative about?

Being grateful is a powerful attitude that can shape your mindset for the better.  How do you develop gratitude? Every morning in your journal list three things you are grateful for and explain why.

Take time to be alone with God and ask Him to remind you of people that have spoken into your life.  Consider sending a thank-you to those who have impacted your life with their inspired words or acts of kindness.

“God himself will fill you with more.  Blessings upon blessings will be heaped upon you and upon your children from the maker of heaven and earth, the very God who made you!” Psalm 115: 14-15

Step 6

Break out of your comfort zone

Life is full of challenges.  Remember the battle has already been won.  The saying goes, “Winners never quit and quitters never win.”  You are meant to win in every circumstance!

How do you begin?

Take little steps out of comfort zone.  Write down activities that make you feel slightly nervous.  Each week challenge yourself to do one new activity that causes you discomfort.  Journal how you felt afterwards. Dig deep and find the cause of the discomfort. 

“God has made us to be more than conquerors, and his demonstrated love is our glorious victory over everything!” Romans 8:37

Step 7

Take care of your health – exercise, healthy food, proper nutrients

Exercise causes instant mood enhancing benefits.  Exercising consistently reduces long term feelings of depression and anxiety and leads to self-confidence.

Start with a 20 minute daily walk.  

At the end of the day journal your mood, self-confidence and overall energy level.

What are you putting in your body?  

Daily health and wellbeing can be impaired with poor nutrition and inadequate nutrients.  It can also reduce our ability to lead an enjoyable and active life.

Poor nutrition and lack of proper nutrients can contribute to stress, tiredness and our capacity to work.  Over time, it can contribute to the risk of developing some illnesses and other health problems. 

Lack of exercise + poor eating habits + inadequate nutrients = poor overall health

“Don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and who was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourselves but to God” 1 Corinthians 6:19

Throughout your journey pray that God will soften your heart and open your mind to his word.  Find time to meditate on God’s word and be prepared to experience a new love not only for yourself, but also for those around you.

“Her shining light will not be extinguished, no matter how dark the night.” Proverbs 31:18